Needles

I hate needles. As a child I loved getting shots. At least that's what my mom tells me. I do have a recollection of being four or five with my bum in the air getting my monthly shots for living in the tropics. My memory isn't one of trauma so it must be true that I liked them at some point. No more. Every time I get a shot I ask the nurse if it will hurt. They usually think I mean the after effects or the internal pain, but I don't. I mean the literal needle poke into the arm. And the answer is always no and they're always right, but I always keep asking. There's one notable exception. The most painful in all my history of getting shots is the Measles, Mumps, and Rubella booster (also known as the MMR in doctor lingo). Tetnus, GammaGlobulin, antibiotics, none of these even register as shots compared to the MMR. The liquid burns as it enters your arm and is so thick it takes a good minute before they remove the needle (that might be an exaggeration, but it's hard to know when it feels like you could've written a novel in the amount of time it takes) . But the pain doesn't subside since the vaccination juice continues to swirl and sting. I nearly passed out after leaving reception.

I received one other traumatic shot when I went under the knife to get a cholesterol bump removed as a wee eight year old. For years I had a small bump at the corner of my mouth growing larger and larger with each year. We were afraid it would ruin my chances of marriage if left to itself so the decision was made to Remove It! To numb the area, they slid a needle through the layers of skin between the inside and outside of my mouth starting at the corner of my mouth. Despite being one of the most painful experiences of my life, I never cried, but I squeezed the nurses hand so hard she cramped. (The other painful experience was smashing my finger in a door, having it swell to three times its natural size, and my parents saying it would heal in a day or two. Yes, they never took me to the doctor to get the finger drilled to relieve pressure and to this day it aches in humid weather (actually that's not true about humid weather. But I've always wanted a body part that augurs weather conditions)).

Why am I sharing needle memories? I had to get blood work done today to determine if I have high cholesterol or a thyroid condition. The first sentence out of the nurse were words of horror to anyone with a fear of needles. "Oh dear. I can't find your vein." AAAAAAGH. Such words immediately conjure up visions of vain (no pun intended, ok pun intended) poking and prodding with a needle to find the vein. My fears were groundless. The nurse found a plump vein in no time, filled the vial, and sent me on my way in five minutes. Ah, competency.